Our 10 Coolest Tree Ornaments: 2022 Non-ChatGPT Edition

11 Dec

I blinked.

And you know what that means.

Yep: The year’s nearly over and it’s time for the holiday post.

Open AI’s ChatGPT might be poised to take over blogging as we know it, but here’s something it can’t do: Pick the real winners on my tree.

Yeah, it could try. But it would probably pick the ones that suck.

I hope I’m right about that. These bots are getting really good, though.

So good that Reuters says they could someday make lawyers obsolete. Perhaps judges are next. Then tree-ornament judges.

That’s it. We’re all doomed.

In honor of bot invasions and these festive times, let’s take a human-crafted look at the 10 most fabulous ornaments on my tree, in random order.

Kindergarten Lisa

She has fierce pigtails and wants all the candy.

She never stopped loving candy.

Little does Kindergarten Lisa know that she’ll have a dental emergency in October 2022 due to a Tootsie Roll misadventure.

Psychedelic Snowthing

When preschool Pearl used eye stickers for the eyes and the smile on her project.

Result: A face only Timothy Leary could love.

Even if I hated Psychedelic Snowthing, there’s no parting with it. To do so would be a parental-code violation: Any ornament your kid makes must go on the tree forever or until it deteriorates.

No exceptions.

Abstract Snowthing

Séamus participated in the same preschool project — but strictly out of obligation.

Art’s never been of much interest to him.

Parental code, folks.

Freaky Skull

Another masterpiece by Séamus.

Nope, not another preschool project — this treasure was born just a few weeks ago in fourth-grade art class.

At least he used more than one color.

If Disney’s “Coco” and Stephen King’s “Carrie” had a baby and placed it in a tree, this is it.


I wasn’t exactly honest about Merford when he first joined our tree.

Now, the twins have reached the age where they see through my ruse.

We look upon Merford’s choices as a cautionary tale: Too much ketchup and cannoli, and you, too, could end up spending eternity in a tree.

Kudos to the real Rob Halford, who’s been sober for decades — next month, he hits 37 years.

Nostalgic Whale

For some reason, I’m a total sucker for this thing.

Every year we pull it out of the ornament box, my eyes well with tears of joy.

Why? No clue.

Memaw’s Angel

After my grandmother, Martha, died a few months ago, we received some of her tree ornaments.

This one has my heart.

Welcome to the tree, Memaw’s Angel — we’ll take good care of you.


Some holiday visitors find Coronornament to be in poor taste.

A 2022 study showed that those who found humor in the lockdown fared better emotionally than their grumpy-ass peers.

Touché, crabs.


Blue Christmas?

If it involves capes and sparkly jumpsuits, then bring those blues on.

The jumpsuit years weren’t kind to Elvis.

As a rule, we keep him and Merford apart — otherwise, things get messy.

Night Monstercorn

I don’t even know what to say.



No holiday post here would be complete without the latest picture of the twins, Pearl and Séamus (age 10), with Santa.

They’ve come a long way since the terror of 2014.

And this might be their last Santa photo…

They say they’re not sure if they’ll be up for it next year.

We’ll see about that.

Annual reminder: As December 31 approaches, be sure to check the cringey “Happy New Years” Twitter thread that breaks my grammar-lovin’ heart every single year.

If I find one of your tweets there, we’re through.

Happy holidays to all!

Friday Fail

9 Apr

Spotted in an Austin gift shop. Great sticker, but the description on the price tag’s another story. Please make it stop.

March Forth on March Fourth for National Grammar Day!

4 Mar

Hooray! It’s National Grammar Day! Let your inner nerd out as we pay tribute to good grammar.

National Grammar Day was established in 2008 by Martha Brockenbrough, founder of the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar (SPOGG), because she wanted to help her students with their grammar in a fun and positive way.

As the National Grammar Day website states, “Language is something to be celebrated, and March 4 is the perfect day to do it. It’s not only a date, it’s an imperative: March forth on March 4 to speak well, write well, and help others do the same!”

Here at Come Correct, every day is National Grammar Day. We love to help you take your writing to the next level. Whenever you need us, march forth and let us know. Contact us here.

We’ve Lost Another G.O.A.T.

6 Oct

Farewell to Eddie Van Halen, pioneer extraordinaire. #RIPEVH

Always a bummer to lose our guitar heroes. For me, the biggest blow was Chuck Berry. Remember this memorial post? The quotes say it all.

Coronavirus Lockdown Advice

21 May

It’s been a while, gang. Much has happened since last post.

Interesting times we live in, eh? 

Hope you’re all staying safe and healthy. Wash your hands and wear your masks.

Sun Chronicle columnist Bill Gouevia sums it up nicely here: 

“Wearing a mask is not a symbol of submissiveness. It is not a political statement, nor a sign of weakness. Masks are a serious attempt to keep people safe and speed up our long journey to economic recovery. So whine about it if you must. But wear your masks in public in crowds. It’s a small price to pay for saving lives.” 

That said, I’ve heard from some of you regarding lockdown boredom. Here’s my advice…

Hang in there, everyone. Sending best wishes to all!

And the Award for Most Creative Holiday Deception Goes to…

24 Dec

… Lisa VanDyke Brown! I win the award for Most Creative Holiday Deception! Hooray! I’m so proud I could burst.

How did I win one of the highest accolades of parenting?

First, here’s this year’s holiday pic of the marvelous, ever-growing Brownies…

Now let’s tackle our title topic…

Behold the majesty of my new Rob Halford merman ornament (aka Merford), a thoughtful gift from my pal, Sam.

In a stunning feat of deception, I expertly informed the children that Rob is holding a bottle of ketchup and eating cannoli.

Please address me by my new name: Mother of the Year. Thanks in advance.

Yeah, they’ll catch on eventually, but not this year. Such a magical age!

Happy holidays, gang. Peace, love, and metal to all.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year Again …

4 Mar

It’s March 4, and you know what that means …

That’s right, smarty pants: IT’S NATIONAL GRAMMAR DAY!

Wooohooo! Par-TAY! Happy Grammar Day, mofos. March forth on March fourth to celebrate the splendor of speaking and writing well.

Grab a red pen and hunt for errors. Read a grammar haiku. Revisit Strunk & White’s “Elements of Style.” Hug an editor. Take an online grammar quiz.

Just go totally nuts today, OK?

New Patron Saint

8 Oct

Marquis de Favras

“I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.” 

Those are the last words of Marquis de Favras after reading his death sentence before being hanged (1790)

Well done, M. de Favras.

Why was he hanged? Learn more about him here.

Paved with Good Intentions?

9 Apr

Behold, the road sign leading to the Methodist Bible Camp in Blountville, TN. 

Naturally, it’s a dead end. 

These signs are glorious. Viva fails! 

This concludes our Monday moment. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. 

Valentine’s Day: Don’t F**k It Up

14 Feb

For more aggravation, check out Twitter’s ever-growing feed of folks tweeting their precious hearts out about “Valentime’s Day.” While some are intentional spelling gaffes, many others, sadly, are not. Enjoy, lovers! 

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