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Valentine’s Day: Don’t F**k It Up

14 Feb

For more aggravation, check out Twitter’s ever-growing feed of folks tweeting their precious hearts out about “Valentime’s Day.” While some are intentional spelling gaffes, many others, sadly, are not. Enjoy, lovers! 


A New Year’s Eve Request

31 Dec

NYE Party HatIf you catch anyone shouting “Happy New Years!” tonight, please thump them on the head. It might squash some party hats and/or provoke drunken anger, but go ahead and do it anyway. Let me know how that goes.

We’re only celebrating one new year, not several. While there will be more new years (don’t tell the Mayans), we’re only dealing with 2015 right now. Happy New Year.

For geeky kicks, click here for a growing-by-the-minute list of “Happy New Years” tweets. Ugh. 

Viva Civility!

17 Jan

respectful discourse

Thanks, Dinah!

I Knew It!

12 Apr

Sure enough, it only took my animal video-hating sister (who’s currently laid-up with a bad back) about five minutes to send me the following hate email regarding the double-dutch dog.

Click the image to read the dirty details. 

Florida: Worst Drivers in The Nation

14 Feb

Don’t argue with me on this, because it’s the indisputable truth. 

The hubs and I are in Florida. When we’re on the road, it’s white-knuckle city.

Nearly every single driver (I’m not exaggerating) is on a cell phone. No Bluetooth action—I’m talking straight-up holding the phone to the ear with one hand and driving with the other. Turn signals are not used. Cutting off other drivers seems to be state law. Drivers aged teen to 50-something driving at such high rates of speed that you can’t understand how the poor, slowpoke retirees can remotely tolerate living here. 

I thought New Mexico and the Bay Area had the worst drivers. Now, I say no way… not compared to these fools… not by a long-shot. 

We’re doing a lot of driving during this trip. Pray for us. Seriously. 

It’s Shut Up Friday!

19 Aug

I just realized that my last two posts involved me instructing people to shut up. Hmmmm.

Think perhaps I need to step back and be a bit more polite, as I certainly don’t want to end up sounding like this jackass.  

Get the Barf Bag Ready

19 Aug

Michael Vick is complaining to the press that he misses his dogs. 

Yes, the same Michael Vick who was prosecuted a few years ago for financing extensive dog fighting activities and participating in the abuse, torture and execution of under-performing dogs. 

In a new GQ interview, Vick whines:

“I miss dogs, man. I always had a family pet, always had a dog growing up. It was almost equivalent to the prison sentence, having something taken away from me for three years. I want a dog just for the sake of my kids, but also me. I miss my companions.”

Sorry, Mike. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for you, man. Your previous treatment of dogs is sickening. Yes, since your arrest and incarceration, you’ve made numerous public statements against animal abuse… but c’mon, we’re not that stupid… that’s the work of your PR pros. Please, do us all a favor: Shut the hell up and just play football. 

Vick’s probation is scheduled to end in 2012, at which time it’s expected he’ll be able to legally own a dog. 

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