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So The Twins Have Grown

9 May

(Photo: Wes Naman)

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And Now This…

22 Apr

Screen Shot 2016-04-22 at 7.45.22 PM

1.) How did three months pass?

2.) How can Prince be gone? It seemed he’d sashay and slay his way through eternity. He is, just in a different form. What genius. Thanks, Prince.

3.) Gotta post more than memorials. We need some good grammar fails. Stay tuned…

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Credo

23 Sep

Steve Jobs

Yet Another Fab Birthday

1 May

It’s Mr. Brown’s birthday today. Many happy returns, sir. Quite fond of you. 

Guess Who Eloped?

12 Oct

I’ll give you a hint: DJB and I!

We were married October 1 in Red River, New Mexico. 

The ceremony took place on an old, covered bridge, and was officiated by the town judge, Jack Griffin (who also owns and operates the tiny town’s Shamrock gas station).  The day was perfect in every single way. 

Fine, fine… I’ll get on with the pictures, courtesy of the fabulous Wes Naman

With Judge Jack Griffin

I’m a wife, dahling! How fabulous is that? Cheers! 

With love, 

Lisa VanDyke-Brown

What Does This Dream Mean?

27 Sep

I have always had a very active and bizarre dream life. Last night was no exception. 

In the dream, I went to my local hip and non-creepy seksi times boutique, Self Serve, and purchased the Hitachi Magic Wand (widely known as the Cadillac of vibrators).

After returning home and removing the item from the bag, it didn’t look the same as the shop’s display model. No, this one had the live head of David Crosby on top. And, naturally, he was singing—and wouldn’t quit.

It was the same damn song over and over again: Southern Cross. And strictly the pre-chorus, to boot. 

Instead of returning the item to Self Serve, I decided to hide it… on top of my grandparents’ refrigerator.

Soon, the whole family gathered around the table for family dinner. Suddenly, the pre-chorus to Southern Cross filled the room…

“Spirits are using me, larger voices cah-hallen!” 

“Where is that coming from?” my grandmother shouted. 

I leapt out of my chair, snatched the “massager” from atop the ‘fridge, raced to the bathroom and repeatedly bashed it against the wall. 

Crosby wouldn’t stop.

“Think about how many times, I have fah-hallen!” he warbled, head spinning like crazy. 

The Regan MacNeil-meets-Woodstock monster had to be stopped. I stuffed it into the toilet. 

“I hate you, Crosby!” I hissed. 

What happened next? I have no idea. Thankfully, I woke up.

I took the liberty of creating this crude picture of the horrific gadget for you. Sleep well. 



Dream a Little Dream

11 Mar

I’d just moved into a posh, all-white, high rise apartment — quite similar to this one.

 

 

 

 

 

My landlord was a guy named Phil (played by actor Jeffrey Tambor).

 

 

 

 

Phil installed cameras all over the apartment. I had a problem with this, and he told me I could move.

 

 

 

 

I went up on the roof of the building to think it over, and when I looked over the edge, a major bicycle race was zooming by.

 

 

 

 

I went back inside, and bumped into a very drunk Lara Flynn Boyle, who, it turned out, lived next door. She said the cameras creeped her out, too.

 

 

 

I told Phil I’d decided to move, then he bribed me with a full-size washer/dryer set and a Blue Heeler puppy. I opted to stay.

 

 

I can’t help myself. I must once again consult the wizard of wackiness, the online dream dictionary.

White: Purity. Transformation. Cleanliness. Dignity; posh apartment: You will see a large increase in your income or your family life will improve; actor: Pursuit for pleasure; pictures taken against your will: Someone is trying to take advantage of you or compromise your boundaries somehow in your life; bicycles: Need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation; meeting a drunk actress: Don’t repeat gossip, and be careful with who you associate yourself with. Their actions may reflect on your own character; washer/dryer: Need to resolve issues of the past in order to be able to make a clean, new start for yourself; puppy: Optimism, unconditional love.

SYNOPSIS:

I’m transforming into a pure, clean, dignifed person. I’m poised to earn substantially more money. This will help fund my recreational pursuits, which I need to devote more time to. I must remain aware, however, as someone is trying to take advantage of me and compromise my boundaries. In order to successfully make this clean, new start for myself, I must resolve past issues, make sure to remain optimistic, not spread gossip, beware of shady people and spread unconditional love.

OK, last time, the dream dictionary provided a cuckoo result. This time: Not too shabby.

If you’d like me to do the Fabü treatment on one of YOUR dreams, send it my way. I’ll even post it here, if that’s cool with you. We can even give you a loco pseudonym like “Stargazer” or something extra-foolish like that. Bring it on!

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