Glam Pregnancy is a Lie

I officially believe that glamorous pregnancy is a myth perpetuated by Victoria Beckham, Beyonce and those with armies of 24/7 groomers, stylists and PR sharks.

As we all know, many pregnant women report that they feel super-sexy and more beautiful than ever during these magical nine months. I want to slap their glowing faces.

When you’re pregnant, your body produces fifty percent more blood, which can brighten the face. There’s also increased hormone production, creating more oils and leaving the face shinier. Combine them, and you have a lovely, luminescent glow… or brutal acne. I got the latter. It’s awesome.

Some preggos also report feeling healthier and more vibrant than ever. I feel like my ribs are going to burst through my skin at any given moment. Again, way awesome.

Don’t get me wrong, this pregnancy gig’s cool, but it’s definitely challenging. It has increased my sympathy for the hormonally challenged and chronically pained. Rather than allow this negative stuff to deface this special time, I did what any of us would do: hit the spa.

Thanks to pregnancy, I discovered some fab new treatments that I would’ve otherwise overlooked. These treatments aren’t just for preggos, mind you—they’re specialty treatments for those who have other-than-average needs. If that sounds like you, read on.

First, I went to Mark Pardo (10420 B Coors Bypass, 505.298.2983, markpardo.com) for an Aveda Hydrotherm Massage ($100) with Art Fuentes.

The treatment has the benefits of traditional massage without the normal challenges: no turning over, no face cradles and no cold rooms. Clients lay face up on big pillows filled with warm water, then are slathered with oil and massaged into a state of pure bliss. All your aches, pains and stressors literally float away in this slippery, warm cocoon of security.

“It’s like the womb,” said Fuentes, who has massaged Pardo devotees for eight years. “It’s so peaceful that you leave here feeling like a whole different person.”

He is so right. The whole spa could’ve crumbled around me, and I wouldn’t have done much more than sigh. Such deep relaxation and peace. Just thinking about it again makes me feel sleepy. This is a great treatment for those who are pregnant, dislike lying on their stomach, can’t lie on their back for too long without pain, or simply desire a new massage/relaxation experience. It’s truly a unique spa treatment. Well done, Pardo.

Next: the glow. Enter Devon Van Hecke, esthetician and owner of Broadway Skin & Body Retreat (408 Broadway SE, 505.246.2400, broadwayretreat.com). Nestled inside a cozy, adorable Edo Victorian house, Van Hecke and her team offer an impressive menu of top-of-the-line treatments in an inviting, intimate atmosphere.

“People feel at home here,” said Van Hecke.

For my needs (hormonal breakouts), she selected the Purifying Seaweed Facial ($70), a nutrient-rich treatment that purifies and nourishes. Using the all-natural, organic, vegan skincare line, 100% Pure, she went to work. Cleansers, toners, creams, steam, hot towels—you know the drill. The seaweed is the real deal, so you need to be able to handle a briny, straight-outta-the-ocean smell. I thought it was cool; not a common smell around here.

“Now, it’s time for the facial massage,” she announced.

I need you to know something: Devon Von Hecke gives the best “facial massage” that I have ever experienced. It is a treatment in itself, and is far from a facial massage. Indeed, she massages your face, but with a twist: She uses traditional strokes combined with a light-touch method I’ve never experienced before. With one finger, she barely touches a point on your skin and rubs clockwise and counter-clockwise, and the relaxation it invokes is deeply powerful. Done? Not even close. Next, she rubs your neck, ears and scalp within an inch of your life. The scalp massage isn’t wimpy, either, so make sure this is your last appointment of the day, because your ‘do will unquestionably get worked. Beyond bliss! I need more Devon.

Ultimately, I was left with a deeply-cleansed complexion and the ability to actually sleep through my first night in about a week. Yeah, that’s another pregnancy perk: insomnia. Bonus!

Broadway Skin & Body Retreat offers numerous customized facials (including a three-mask Ayurvedic facial with Vinies Ayurveda’s Soul products), peels, lifts, glows/scrubs and massage. Not to be outdone, they also do lashes, brows and makeup treatments.

Must run: I have to go shopping for dresses… and slacks. Just found out there’s a boy and a girl in there! Double-trouble on the wardrobe front. It’s gonna get really cute around here. 

Via Local iQ