Friday Fabü

24 Feb

In loving memory of Ms. Whitney Elizabeth Houston, let’s pay tribute to some of music’s most fabulous divas. Sometimes, their antics are so inappropriate that we want to hunt them down, use the Force to bypass security, grab the diva and give her a good ol’ fashioned spanking, because somebody should’ve done it a long time ago. Instead, we simply shake our heads and blame it on divadom.

Without further ado, Fabü presents the Whitney Houston Memorial Diva Roster. Divas are listed in random order, but I’m sure that won’t stop Madonna from sending her flying monkeys after me for giving her the fourth position. Bring it, Madge! Oops, typo. Correction: Sing it, Madge!

Mariah Carey: She has five Grammys and more number one U.S. pop hits than anyone but the Beatles. Her hotel demands include two bottles of Cristal champagne, one box of bendy straws and male-only attendants. She once had a $10,000 antique table flown in for an autograph signing. She doesn’t do stairs.

Cher: She’s come a long way since her Sonny days. This accomplished and much-adored singer/actress has a mantle filled with diverse awards, including a Grammy, Oscar and Emmy award. The top reason why Cher is among my fave divas: she requires a wig room at her shows. That’s it. I’m done. Cher rules.

Aretha Franklin: All hail the Queen of Soul! An incredibly-gifted vocalist, songwriter and pianist, ReeRee has 20 Grammy awards. Helloooo? In 1987, she became the first female artist to enter the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She charges $25,000 cash up-front upon arrival at every show. The Motown diva also insists that any hotel room she stays in must not be above the fifth floor.

Madonna: The material girl’s feats in the Guinness World Records include The Most Successful Female Artist of All Time and The Most Costume Changes in a film (more than 300 for Evita). A Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee, Madge demands a brand new toilet seat at every concert, and then it’s destroyed after she leaves. She also demands 20 cases of Kabbalah water, white drapes and white roses.

Click here to read the rest of the column. 

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