What Does This Dream Mean?

27 Sep

I have always had a very active and bizarre dream life. Last night was no exception. 

In the dream, I went to my local hip and non-creepy seksi times boutique, Self Serve, and purchased the Hitachi Magic Wand (widely known as the Cadillac of vibrators).

After returning home and removing the item from the bag, it didn’t look the same as the shop’s display model. No, this one had the live head of David Crosby on top. And, naturally, he was singing—and wouldn’t quit.

It was the same damn song over and over again: Southern Cross. And strictly the pre-chorus, to boot. 

Instead of returning the item to Self Serve, I decided to hide it… on top of my grandparents’ refrigerator.

Soon, the whole family gathered around the table for family dinner. Suddenly, the pre-chorus to Southern Cross filled the room…

“Spirits are using me, larger voices cah-hallen!” 

“Where is that coming from?” my grandmother shouted. 

I leapt out of my chair, snatched the “massager” from atop the ‘fridge, raced to the bathroom and repeatedly bashed it against the wall. 

Crosby wouldn’t stop.

“Think about how many times, I have fah-hallen!” he warbled, head spinning like crazy. 

The Regan MacNeil-meets-Woodstock monster had to be stopped. I stuffed it into the toilet. 

“I hate you, Crosby!” I hissed. 

What happened next? I have no idea. Thankfully, I woke up.

I took the liberty of creating this crude picture of the horrific gadget for you. Sleep well. 



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